There's no excuse

 

Those who genuinely know me, also know that I'm heavily interested in life's issues in the broadest sense of the word. It's not just planes and art for me, it's way more. Every now and then, an issue crosses my path that captures me, fascinates me or intrigues me. Either when my interest is woken in a random way or I'm directly confronted with it, unable to ignore it, I sort of transform into a knowledge-seeking pitbull, trying to get to the bottom of it.

 

During my 55-year old life, I've had several relationships. Two marriages ending up in two divorces, several girlfriends before, after and between, the odd friend-with-benefits and one one-night stand. Suffice to say that I have known love, or thought I knew it, and some mine fields surrounding it all. Still know love, and recently found it again. Talking about the love between a man and a woman. It also exists within the LGBT community, but I'm 'straight'.

 

And there it hits you. Immediately you're on Cloud Nine, putting on those pink glasses. You're in love. She's the one. He's the one. No pluses, no minuses, everything about the other is perfect. Fairly superficial and not really based on a reliable observation. The brains are partly switched off, the heart takes over with a vengeance. And then, the novelty wears off. Trick is now to keep it sort of new and exiting, but mostly to change 'in love' into 'love'.

 

Love, trust, equality, communication, accepting each other's virtues and vices, being on the same page regarding life, not trying to change the other, complementing and stimulating each other and together be the best you can be. Sounds great, doesn't it? This is how it should work in order to have a long-lasting fruitful relationship between lovers. And, often it does. However, ever so often it doesn't. Sometimes to a point that it all becomes a hellhole.

 

In my direct environment, I've been confronted with individuals who have been in such a hellhole. Women in this case, who have barely survived a truly abusive and quite destructive relationship with some 'man'. Who were unable for a length of time to escape that hellhole. For some of them it was 'one stroke to Midnight'. They could easily have been literally killed. Imprisoned through verbal abuse, physical abuse or both. By that 'man' or 'men'.

 

There is a lot of misunderstanding about these women. Many people cannot wrap their head around the fact that this woman stayed with that man for so long, or even ran back to him time and again. Those people misinterpret that lack of a lock on the door as 'freedom', ignoring the fact that it doesn't always take an actual lock and key to imprison a person. Mental, verbal and physical abuse provide those prison walls. All built inside her mind.

 

What I in turn can't wrap my head around is how a guy puts in a tremendous effort to 'conquer' a woman and then, when he's 'got' her, tries to either change or subdue her. At first, that skirt with a split was so sexy to him, and now she should never wear it because it seduces other men. She was a beauty then, but a whore now, wearing it. Slowly but surely the abuse sneaks in and the 'brainwashing' starts. Not based on love but on brute power.

 

"Well, when he hits you the first time, you immediately run away, don't you?" Some women will, other's won't. The latter are already too deep into that trap. They already invested emotionally too much into him. After those first hits, and some after that, they hope that the 'old' person is not gone but still there. In this mine field it's debateable whether that 'old' person was the real one, or that the abusive one is. However, the brainwashing works.

 

A brainwashing by intimidation, aggression. By name calling, by threatening, by slapping and kicking. Ruled by fear, the woman, strong-spirited as she may have been, is slowly but surely being transformed into a slave. Not allowed to have a life, friends, loved ones, possessions or a mind of her own. All those are being 'slapped' out of her. Almost 24/7, reducing that, once beautiful and strong women to absolute Zero. Believe me, it can happen to anyone.

 

I know a few of them, and I know the men who did this to them. These girls were lucky to escape. For many of them don't, either because they are still trapped or they were killed. And those men in this case, well yes, they are in prison now, but possibly out again in the (near) future. Out and about, on the prowl, or trying to enter these women's lives again, becoming a stalker for example. And then, maybe in some different way, Hell is back.

 

From where I sit, these woman survivors, who sometimes literally defied death, are incredibly strong warriors. And those men, well, they are the weaker souls. I don't care where it came from, whether those guys had mommy issues or were burnt by some woman in the past, they absolutely do not deserve the label of a 'real man'. What guy abuses 'his' woman in such a way that she sort of ceases to exist as a full-blown person? A loser.

 

The best way for these ladies is to pick up their lives, completely on their own terms. Independent, sailing on their own compass. No 'no go areas' for them, anywhere. Especially where those men may show up again. That would mean renewed punishment and sort of imprisonment. Of course taking one's safety into account, but never to be reigned in again. 'No go areas' apply to those men. They've proven to be unchangeable soulless predators.

 

As far as I'm concerned. I'm a peace-loving guy. I don't hate. I love. However, I feel that Mother Nature has something beautiful in store for these women warriors, and something 'very exiting' for those weak two-bit excuses for a man. It's called 'Karma', and it may manifest itself in surprising and colourful ways, rendering those losers a bit less happy. Such as being taken from behind by a fellow inmate, without lube, with a cactus. Enjoy, buddy...